Oliver Lee- a story about peace.

Apparently Im only blogging once a year now ;) Regardless, I wanted to get this all written out before I forgot any details. I'm excited as I watch Ollie's life story unfold before us. We have only seen a tiny glimpse of what The Lord might do through his life!

We found out we were pregnant on Tuesday, October 4, 2014. I was at work when I took the test and was overjoyed! Another baby! I couldn't wait to tell Evan, but I wanted to get the timing right. That night was youth group, and Evan was teaching. In order to not break his focus on the night, I decided not to tell him until we got home later. We sat on the couch after getting home late and I handed him a small gift bag. Inside I had placed the pregnancy test I had taken earlier that day. After an excited leap from the couch, Evan's simple response was, "Ok, here we go!" Yes, here we go.

Nausea and tiredness kicked in almost immediately and wiped me out. I'm sure in part due to the fact that I was also chasing around our 13-month old daughter who had just started walking. Our 8 week ultrasound revealed a strong heartbeat. We were so thankful for this healthy little life! The usual anxiety kicked in for the next several weeks as we waited to be "in the clear," though the persistent pregnancy symptoms I continued to feel comforted my fears about the safety of our baby. The day before Thanksgiving, we went in for a 12 week appointment and heard a healthy little heartbeat for the first time! We were so thankful and couldn't wait to start sharing the news with others that weekend!

Though I continued to battle anxiety for the next few weeks, by the time our 20 week ultrasound came, I felt mostly excited as we were about to see our baby for the first time and find out if Clara was getting a baby brother or sister! We were called back to the room and settled in for our appointment. The very first thing the ultrasound told us was that we were having a little BOY!! I was SO excited to bring some blue into our family! The appointment continued as normal, all body parts being measured and noted. The very last thing the tech checked on was his kidneys. For minutes, she searched and searched and could only detect the left kidney. The right one was no where to be found. Additionally, she told us at the end of the appointment that she had discovered some cysts on his brain. Cysts that could mean absolutely nothing, or could be indicators of some serious genetic issues. He had no other concerning markers, but because we had declined genetic testing in the first trimester, we had reason to be mildly concerned. We were referred to a parinatal specialist and sent home.

Now, I know so many others have received much much worse news at ultrasounds. I'm not going to pretend I can relate with those who have discovered the loss of a baby or serious health issues. I'm not putting myself on an equal ground with those who have experienced deep devastation. But having experienced even this, I can say that any news other than perfect health can be absolutely wrecking for a mother. As we waited for our appointment with the specialist the following week, my mind spun in circles with worst case scenarios and what-ifs. I hoped that our appointment would bring good news and an end to worry, but what I didn't realize is that God had something very important to teach me.

At 21 weeks we met with the perinatal specialists to seek some clarity about what might be going on with our boy. We were relieved to discover that the cysts on his brain had already disappeared, and a quick blood test revealed that there was nothing genetically concerning. But there was still no right kidney to be found, and we were scheduled to check again in 3 weeks.

We come to 24 weeks pregnant. Still no kidney to be found, but something else was discovered. Our baby had a varix in his umbilical cord. As best as I can understand, in non-medical jargon, here's what was happening: the cord connection between me and him was fine, but inside his own body, where the cord was delivering vital nutrients for his development, the cord was kinked and bubbled. The danger with this condition is that the cord can become clotted, resulting in stillbirth. The baby and I would be closely monitored, and if at any time the doctors were concerned with his safety, there would be a possibility of a premature delivery. Even though the odds were on our side as long as we were closely monitored, I was still terrified. For the next few months I continued to see specialists every few weeks, and beginning at 32 weeks I was a weekly visitor with the high risk doctors.

We faced many ups and downs at our frequent appointments. At 28 weeks we found his right kidney!... In his pelvis. At the same appointment, the doctor thought he saw a possible hole in his esophagus, which miraculously disappeared by the next appointment. I battled anxiety throughout my entire pregnancy. I had so little control! It was so scary needing to see high risk doctors every week. But God was so good to me, and my pregnancy ended up being such a sweet time. I watched The Lord challenge my ideas of what I thought was "fair" and begin to tear down my idols.

Praise The Lord, every appointment continued to show a healthy baby. The varix never went away, but the flow of the cord remained strong. I was scheduled for a 39-week induction on June 4. (The risk of stillbirth increases as it gets closer to the due date, so they wanted him out by that point). Wanting to have a natural labor, I prayed specifically that The Lord would bring the baby earlier than 39 weeks so that I could bypass needing to be induced. And he answered!

We're now at the birth part of Oliver's story. (Thanks for still reading!). I love reading birth stories. I love watching birthing videos, and seeing birthing pictures. I love all the gory details that are a part of bringing life into this world. But I realize that few people share this love so I'll try to keep this portion of his story as clean as possible :) if you don't care about this part of his story, feel free to skip to the bottom. I include it here because there are some details of his birth that I see are pertinent parts of his life story.

At 1am on June 2 I began to feel labor contractions. I had been feeling contractions for a couple days at that point, but they were painless and inconsistent. Evan had fallen asleep watching a movie, but I hadn't told him yet that I suspected I was in labor. I knew once I did he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore! For the next hour I continued to time contractions, growing in excitement that we might be meeting our boy soon! The contractions weren't regular, coming every 7 minutes, then 15, then 10, but they were increasing in pain and duration! Evan woke up around 2am and saw that I was sitting up in bed, wide awake. "What's going on, babe?" "Oh nothing. I think I'm in labor, but go back to sleep." Haha, yea right! Evan was suddenly wide awake! We continued to time contractions for the next hour or so, keeping in contact with the on-call doctor at the hospital. Around 3:30 am we decided it was time for us to go. My brother came over to stay the night with Clara, and we headed out! We arrived at the hospital shortly after 4am and were encouraged to discover I was 4cm dilated and officially in labor! However, shortly after arriving at the hospital my labor slowed down significantly and the nurse began to talk about the possibility of us being sent home. Unfortunately, the monitors soon showed that our baby's heart rate was having a very difficult time with the contractions. (Our doctor had warned us that his cord condition could make his heart rate extra sensitive during labor, and I would therefore need constant monitoring). When I wasn't contracting, his heart rate was strong in the 140's, but every contraction was dropping it down to the 60's. The conversation with the nurses quickly switched. Not only were we not being sent home, but we were very possibly going to face an emergency C-section. As a last-ditch effort, the nurse asked me to lie on my side (I had been sitting up since arriving at the hospital). Miraculously, laying on my side took the pressure off the cord and his heart rate stabilized. I was brought into labor and delivery.

By the time I had reached 6cm dilated, my labor again slowed down, almost to a complete stop. This was such a huge change from my labor with Clara! (She was born within two hours of arriving at the hospital, and I was expecting another very fast labor and delivery). By this point my usual doctor had arrived at the hospital and came in to check on us. Here was our situation: for the sake of the baby, labor needed to progress. My water hadn't broken yet, and even though breaking it would have been a successful way of moving labor along, keeping it intact was giving an extra cushion to the umbilical cord. Changing positions would have also been helpful in moving labor along, but laying on my side was the only thing stabilizing his heart rate. We were kind of stuck. Even though it wasn't ideal for a natural labor, my doctor recommended pitocin to increase my contractions. At this point, I knew I just needed to be willing to do what was needed to bring my baby safely into the world. I was put on the lowest dose possible, which was just what my body needed to kick back into gear! After an hour or so of STRONG contractions, I turned to Evan and told him I really felt like I needed to push. The nurse came in to check on me, but told me I was only 7cm dilated. "Keep going!" She encouraged. I was sure I was further along than that... And I was right. At the very next contraction, I felt the baby crown! Evan frantically called the nurse back in and a host of other nurses and my doctor followed. At 12:48pm, after one push, Oliver Lee Skelton entered this world. 6 pounds, 3 ounces, 18.5 inches long. What joy and relief!

The name Oliver means "peace." (Lee is the middle name of both of his grandpas!) We chose this name, partially because we loved it and it fit with our criteria of classic, old fashioned names, but mostly because of its significant meaning. Throughout a high risk pregnancy, we really felt The Lord teaching us over and over again what it means to have "peace that transcends all understanding." I had to learn in those times of fear and uncertainty, that The Lord had ultimate control over the life of my child. He is sovereign, good, and can be trusted completely! What I didn't realize at this moment was that The Lord wasn't done asking us to trust Him...

Which brings us to our current situation with our sweet Oliver. Many of you know the things that are going on, and to many of our friends this will be news. Not because we are trying to hide any information, but simply because we didn't want our son's current situation to be the  first or main thing that we talked about. We needed times of simply celebrating his safe arrival and sweet little life without always focusing on the negative.

A few short hours after settling into our room at the hospital, we noticed that Oliver's eyes didn't look right. Instead of seeing clear eyes with pupils, we only saw a white cloudiness. We asked several nurses if they had any idea what was going on, and no one had any answers for us. I was terrified. Was my baby blind?? I couldn't help but fear the worst. The night before we were discharged from the hospital we were finally able to see a pediatric ophthalmologist. He was able to rule out glaucoma and cataracts, but was still unable to tell us what was going on. And, most importantly, what the state of his vision was. We were sent home from the hospital with a referral for another ophthalmologist, and very little answers. I was overwhelmed and scared. It didn't seem fair. First a complicated pregnancy, and now my baby might not be able to see?

Yet again, The Lord sweetly and gently reminded me of his goodness and control. HE created Oliver. Just as he is. HE alone is sovereign, and can be trusted with our baby's life. I was yet again being taught to have peace.

Fast forward to now. In his 5 weeks of life, Oliver has seen many eye doctors and specialists. He has had several tests done, and we are thankful that we finally have some answers! Oliver most likely has something called Peter's Anomaly, where the cornea of the eye does not develop properly. We don't know yet why this is- he will be seeing a geneticist at some point to try to determine why this happened. Treatment is a cornea transplant surgery. We are currently on a list and waiting for a donor. We are so thankful, though, because tests have revealed that most likely, the only issue is the cornea. His eyes seem to be healthy underneath, and our doctors are optimistic that after surgery and recovery, he should be able to see clearly!

We still have a long road ahead of us. There is no guarantee. Transplant surgeries always come with the risk that his body would reject the new tissue. We don't know for sure what his vision will be like afterwards. It could be 100 percent, or he could still really struggle. We're probably looking at contact lenses for the rest of his life. But I can truly at this point say that I have peace! The Lord has been so good to us... Oliver is such a little miracle already, regardless of the outcome of his surgery.

If anyone is looking for ways to be specifically praying for us:
1. Pray for the success of the surgery! That our sons visions might be fully restored!
2. Pray for the family of the donor. Corneas need to come from a deceased person as close in age as possible. Which means that in order for Ollie to have this surgery, another small child needs to pass away. This breaks my heart.
3. Pray for continued peace and trust!

4. And ultimately, pray that God would be glorified. We already see Ollie's life as such a testament to the goodness and sovereignty of God- pray that others might come to know Him as a result!